I come from a ''normal'' loving family, my mum has sacrificed A LOT for me and my brother! She is one of the most selfless and most amazing mothers I know! A few years ago she was diagnosed with cancer... Thank goodness her surgery has been successful and she is cancer FREE now. I remember holding her hand, while she was wheeled through the corridors of the hospital to the operating theatre... I never felt so alone and helpless. All I could think of is myself! What is going to happen to me if she doesn't wake up??! I do feel ashamed about it now. Anyway that was a very sad and unsettling time in our lives and I am thanking God she has made a full recovery and everything is settled again.
I only really fully started appreciating everything she has ever done for us and still is doing for us after I myself became a MOTHER. It was the most overwhelming and amazing feeling in the world. Feeling those tiny movements in my belly...right under my heart. This little person has stolen my life forever, even before she was born! The immense rush of love as soon as she was born, I knew my life belonged to her now! And then I also realised how important my mum is in my life, and how much appreciation I have for everything she has done for me.
Being a stay at home mum and being able to spend all my time with my daughter has been amazing but tough as well. I think most mothers would agree that as lovely it is to see your children grow up, it is also daunting. I wouldn't have changed it for the world as it seems to me like the time is passing so quickly at the moment, I want to grab every moment and drink it to the fullest. I do have days where Annabell will be in a funny mood and we will have a tough day, but then I take a breath and look at her and the love I have for her just spreads through my body and completely takes all the problems away!
She is growing up so quickly, I also need to learn how to let go. She goes to pre-school now. It feels very strange leaving her there, where she is a completely separate entity from me, no longer needing me. My perfect little human! But when she is hurt or in danger, or someone tries to mess with her (as it has happened at one of our local play centres) a wild lioness wakes up in me. The strangest feeling...like I've never experienced before. It feels like something wakes up in me, and I will protect her no matter what. I am not scared of anyone, of what they think of me. It is my child I am protecting and I will until I die.
When she gets sick, I often sit there with her, hold my hand on her head and wish all of it could be sucked out of her and passed onto me. I never want to see her suffer, or be ill, or cry not from laughter.
Poor quality picture taken on my phone, but I think it captures what I am trying to say in this post. Unconditional and selfless happiness and love.
When you become a MOTHER you become completely selfless, your priorities are no longer. It is THEM and their needs that take precedence!
Being pregnant again, this time fills me with happiness again but also a worry. I enjoy every single movement from my unborn baby, especially that I know it is the last time I will be experiencing this feeling... But also I worry about...myself!!!! I don't want anything to go wrong, so my daughter is not missing her mum and she can rely on me throughout her life. I want to be her best friend, who always is there to pick her up when she needs help.
I suppose what I am trying to say as well is that it doesn't matter if you loose your patience and shout at them occasionally, or are there to discipline and teach right from wrong. Nothing can ever substitute a mother, and I realise that NOW.
Recently I have been an emotional wreck, and I don't know why...I put it down to my pregnancy hormones:) But I just needed to write this post to offload all the emotions and thoughts of my chest and my mind.
I guess this is it from me now. Don't forget to tell your mum how much you love her and thank her for everything... not just on Mother's day!
xxx
